I am not a writer.
The only reason I ever write is not for writing itself. No, I don't enjoy plain old putting pen to paper like a lot of other bloggers do. I write because I want to talk about something I enjoy. Most of the time that ends up being horses or movies or Benedict Cumberbatch. (lol) And I miss that.
I don't like it when people expect things of me that I am not. If people expect me to be a journalist, well you're just going to have to shop else where. If you don't like how I write, sorry, I am not changing anytime soon. Bye.
I'm in a mood for ranting, can you tell?
Let's continue. :D
You know, I am really quite bad socially. To be honest it is difficult for me to make friends. It takes me a long time to become comfortable around people. I am friendly enough I suppose, but when it comes to feeling at ease around people, it takes me a long time. I just have a hard time. I don't really know why. I think being antisocial is kind of part of my personality. But it is definitely something I am working hard to overcome. I mean, I want to make new friends. I want to hang out with people. But I just feel really really awkward and uncomfortable a lot of the time.
I am an introvert. I suppose that is a given. But I'm not particularly shy. Like I can pick up a conversation with people. Its more like feeling like you've been accepted. The little things in life are what gets me, like picking a table to sit at during lunch. I suppose I could even label this a little bit as social anxiety.
Perhaps I just feel out of control. I love predictable variables and people are often so very unpredictable. Perhaps it's even a deeper issue. Do I honestly think if they truly know me that they will accept me? I suppose these are good questions to ask myself. Honestly, I don't know. But I do know that I feel uncomfortable around people a lot. Given I've never been to school before, but man everyone else around me already seems to be best friends! And I'm back here like "Yes! Hurray! I ate lunch with someone today!" Sometimes I laugh at how pathetic I am. lol! I'm trying guys! I really am. But like I said above, there is only so much I can do to pretend to be someone I'm not.
Good grief. College is just ridiculous for trying to figure out who you are. I feel like I'm all over the map.
But the good news is that stress/depression/anxiety levels have definitely gone down. So that is a praise! I really do feel like as a whole I am in a pretty good place right now. The only thing I am complaining about today is people wanting me to be things I'm not. So in light of that, my life is not all that bad right now.
Anyways! I'm gonna quit writing now. Its been so great to talk to you all again! I have to say I do love all my true internet friends. Hope you all are having a great year! (And Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends!)